Eating My Cake

As you know from looking at my sidebar, I am a Wellsphere blogger. I am asking for your vote in their People’s Health Blogger Awards competition. The voting closes on 1.15, and you can vote for me by clicking on the badge in my sidebar.

Thanks for your support!!! It is appreciated more than words can express.

xoxo,
Juliet

Maybe it’s asking too much, but I expect better from a “medical” site like WebMd. Wait, given the mainstream medical profession’s attitudes towards weight, I guess this isn’t so shocking.

I get email updates from them on the category of weight loss/dieting. This “find the perfect diet for you” quiz caught my eye, so I took it. My results? Weight Watchers came up at least three times. However, so did Atkins, Pritikin, What Color is Your Diet? (which I’d never even heard of before), South Beach and The Zone. Okay, so I answered six questions and they came up with FIVE choices. Five radically different choices, too.

Here are some of the suggestions to me:

Because you’re impulsive and don’t like to plan meals in advance, a flexible diet program may work well for you. Avoid diets that tell you exactly what to eat and when. Instead, look for plans that let you choose favorite foods at any time of the day, as long as you keep your calories low enough to lose weight.

Believe it or not, you can diet and still feel full after a meal. In fact, for many people, that’s key to weight loss success. You may enjoy a diet that encourages complex carbohydrates — vegetables and whole grains. You can stir-fry your favorite vegetables in a tomato sauce, Thai paste or with chilis for a hearty low-calorie stew. Or toss them in vegetable stock for a heart-warming soup. Many diets encourage vegetables, including The Pritikin Diet, Weight Watchers and What Color Is Your Diet.

Then there was this wonderful tidbit, in response to the answer I chose for the question on what type of vacation appeals to me (I selected “cruise,” because spas are not for vacation and kayaking isn’t compatible with fibromyalgia).

You enjoy relaxing and being pampered. But you’ll lose weight more easily — and keep it off — if you build exercise into your daily life. Look for a diet that includes support for fitness.

Right, since I want to relax on vacation, that translates into “you obviously hate to exercise and are lazy.” That’s logical.

Okay, so the take away is that any one of five fairly different diet programs is the best diet for me. Great, that’s helpful. Seriously, is this quiz sponsored by the dieting industry?

Wait, I know what the problem is… there are no PERFECT diets. They’re inherently all the same. They’re all, in some way, restrictive ways of eating that encourage disordered eating behavior.

Besides, I’ll be damned if I would ever take dieting advice from a website that also has a video on how you can save money on your next cosmetic surgery procedure.

xoxo,
Juliet

It is very common for those of us who have fibromyalgia to also struggle with irritable bowel syndrome. IBS is a frustrating and embarrassing condition. It can also be quite painful and debilitating.

I have actually struggled with IBS far longer than fibromyalgia, and my presentation is somewhat unique. Nausea tends to be my biggest issue, but it’s not the only problem. Just recently, Hope was diagnosed with IBS, too. She’s on a medication which seems to have helped, and I may ask my doctor about it, because I’ve been dealing with a “flare up” of IBS symptoms.

There are some fairly general “food rules” I have to follow. I cannot tolerate citrus fruits. I love orange juice and I adore clementines. I’m crazy about pineapple, but I can’t really eat it at all anymore. All of these fruits cause my stomach to be very angry. I experience acid and nausea. It’s awful. It’s the same with most raw veggies. I love salads, but especially if I am eating a vinegar-based dressing, I’m setting myself up for misery. There are times when I *can* tolerate salads, but I have to pay very close attention to how my stomach is feeling, and I have to get a creamy salad dressing, like bleu cheese or ranch.

IBS forces me into an entirely different type of intuitive eating, one with which I am still struggling to become comfortable. Worse, there are times when it throws me off track with the IE I am attempting to do for my ED. One of the principles of IE is eating what you enjoy… and with IBS, this if frequently not as simple as it sounds. I enjoy pineapple. I don’t enjoy the misery that comes after I eat pineapple. Same goes with salads. Whenever we go out to eat (which we do when we go grocery shopping) I am faced with “what can my stomach handle today?” as a component of deciding what I will order. Obviously, I am faced with that at home, too. It’s just when there are so many choices, as a menu gives, it can be tough to ignore my body’s craving for a good Cobb salad, which is full of great stuff like chicken and avocado and olives, but which will sometimes cause miserable IBS fallout because of the raw veggies.

Carbs are my stomach’s best friend. This is why diets that are exceptionally carb restrictive failed me every time. People said I was making excuses, but walk a day in my body and feel what it’s like to not get some type of carb at every meal, and you’ll understand. Frankly, it’s a pain in the ass to have to make sure I’m balancing my meals with carbs that will help to negate any problems the rest of the food might cause me to suffer.

One of the trickiest aspects is that sometimes, foods that seem like they should be totally taboo, are just fine. Other times, foods you wouldn’t imagine could cause a problem will. Tomatoes are often an issue, but not always. Bananas are usually safe, but sometimes cause me nausea. It’s crazy, frustrating and makes eating a huge hassle and challenge.

I take Protonix, and add Zantac when needed. I must, at all times, have Pepto Bismol caplets on hand (because the liquid is vile). Imodium is always in our house. Gas-Aid is another staple of the medicine cabinet.

What I’ve been struggling with during this recent flare up, is realizing that when my IBS needs go against what my IE needs want, I feel unsatisfied and therefore tend to overeat before I realize I am doing so. Which doesn’t help the situation, because then I am adding to the IBS discomfort by being overfull. Not fun.

So, I’m trying to learn to recognize what my body needs from an IBS perspective and balance that with what I need from an IE perspective. It is not a fun process, and it’s something like this that really makes me miss my therapist. It’s part of “self-care,” though, and so I know it is important. I also recognize that I am not perfect, and I will screw up while continuing on this journey towards self-awareness and being healthier, emotionally and physically. I just need to step back from my tendency to be very hard on myself and realize that it’s okay to make mistakes. More than okay, frankly, because from mistakes come growth and discovery.

xoxo,
Juliet

I just want to wish everyone a very happy holiday…

I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. I think they set us up for failure. I do, however, think it’s worth looking back on the year, and to take time to think about what you want to accomplish in the year to come.

For me, that’s more blogging. I miss therapy. Blogging is good therapy for me, and it’s a good way to keep me in touch with my goal of eating intuitively. Beyond that, I really want my blog to be a resource for people who are trying to learn to love themselves while letting go of the idea of a “perfect” body, whatever that “perfection” looks like.

So, in the new year I will be reviewing a book, blogging more about my own eating and, of course, keeping track of trends and celebs and hoping that something I say inspires someone who is reading.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and a wonderful 2009 to all!

xoxo,
Juliet

Let’s talk about Oprah. I’m very disappointed in her, to be frank.

With all of her incredible success, and the amazing accomplishments of her lifetime, she’s going to let being 200 pounds be the big (no pun intended) news story of her life at the moment?

I mean, seriously… if Oprah can’t overcome being so focused on her appearance, who can? She’s a beautiful woman, and has always been so, regardless of her size. She’s an icon of empowerment. But by allowing the world to hear her say that she is “ashamed” and “embarrassed” by her weight, she’s allowing her weight to be the story. She’s opening herself up to the ridicule and jokes. Why can’t Oprah, of all women, stand up and say, yeah… I’m 200 pounds. So freakin’ what? I’m worth more - financially and emotionally - than that stinkin’ number on the stinkin’ scale.

Supposedly, she now is going to focus on being strong and healthy, instead of being focused on being thin. If it really took OPRAH this long, how can any of us be faulted for not prioritizing our health over the number we think we should see on the damn scale?

I can’t believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I’m still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?’

Hey, maybe she’s missing the point. The point is DIETS DO NOT WORK. Nor do complicated cleansing food rituals. And you can have all the options and resources open to you, and DIETS WILL STILL FAIL.

I mean, think about it. Oprah has a trainer. She has a chef. She has a personal shopper. She has every single dieting option open to her, and she STILL can’t keep the weight off.

Maybe the problem is that she insists on fighting her body’s natural weight, a concept I learned about when reading Intuitive Eating. She might not want to have to admit that maybe, just maybe, her natural weight IS 200 pounds… and that it is OKAY if that’s the case, because that means letting go of her own idealized image of how she should look.

Celebs always cite pressures related to “the job” that force them to be thin, but Oprah’s success has transcended her weight struggles. Fat or thin, America - and the world - loves Oprah. She is one of the single most powerful women on the planet. She could use that power, that celebrity as a tool to encourage people to be actually healthy… not to jump on the bandwagon of whatever the latest craze is diet wise.

I hope that her “embarrassment” over this 40 pound weight gain will give her insight. I hope she finally realizes that it’s just a stinkin’ number. It’s totally irrelevant, especially in her life of all lives.

What matters is how she feels about herself. What matters is that she finds a way to truly think about food as not an enemy, but a source of fuel, fun and sustenance. What matters is that she stands up for herself, instead of berating herself publicly.

Go buy a copy of Intuitive Eating, please! Stand up and be proud of all you have done, and all that you are. Let go of the old way of thinking, Oprah… because it’s hard for us mere mortals to imagine we can ever do so, if someone as strong, beautiful and powerful as you can’t.

xoxo,
Juliet

…he is gone, and I am so very, very sad.

I planned to blog every Sunday (or once a week). I didn’t blog Sunday because my husband had to go back east. His father is dying. For many reasons, I am home and he is there, and that’s very hard for me.

It’s a long, sad story that has nothing to do with my blog, except in so much as it’s the reason for a lack of recent posting. I just can’t quite work up the energy.

I will soon be reviewing a book that I was sent (love getting free stuff!) to read and review here…. I’ve finished the book, and can’t wait to write the review and share my thoughts with y’all. I just can’t get my thoughts gathered enough at the moment, and any spare energy has to go towards grad school stuff.

So, I will be back asap. I miss blogging and want to do it at least once a week… I have two posts in the works (the book review and a rave about a curvy celeb who is just awesome). I just can’t deal right now.

Bear with me, please… I will be back soon.

xoxo,
Juliet

I have a cold. It’s not that bad of a cold, but combine it with the fibro and all hell breaks loose.

I am having a hard time eating. I don’t have the energy to eat. I remind myself that I need to eat, it’s important for my body… but preparing food is way more intensive than I like right now. Even the thought of going upstairs is enough to make me want to cry. I hurt. Everywhere.

Last night we went to the gas station where there is a Subway and I had a footlong sub that I ate as dinner. It was perfect. Lots of protein, and it was soothing. Best of all, I didn’t have to prepare it, which made it especially perfect.

Today I wish I’d gotten two subs and stuck one in the fridge! But my husband has caught my cold, and we’re sitting in our recliners having a sick day together. It’s not the way I want to pass my time, but I’m glad he’s by my side.

So, it’s almost lunch time, and I have no idea what to have or what I want. I want soup, but we don’t have any. I want a sub, but I don’t have one. It’s hard enough feeling like nothing I want is around when I’m well… but to have it happen when I’m sick is especially miserable.

I will have to make us something to eat eventually. For now, I have PB and crackers down here and I think that’s lunch.

How do you handle eating when you’re sick?

xoxo,
Juliet

My dinner is taking forever to cook… so I figured I would post the recipe.

It’s one of those really easy things, because standing to cook is hard for me these days, with the pain from the fibro. In fact, standing is the most painful thing I do. Walking is easier. But I digress.

Autumn Spiced Pork Roast

1 pork roast, whatever size you choose
2 tablespoons of olive oil
2 tablespoons of honey
2 teaspoons of nutmeg
2 tablespoons of cinnamon

I brush the roast in olive oil, then add the nutmeg and cinnamon. I add the honey during the last 10 to 15 minutes of baking because it tends to sort of burn off if you add it any sooner. Tonight I didn’t have honey, and it’s good with or without it, I just prefer to add it.

I bake it at 375, and the time varies based on size, of course. You may not need such a high temp, but cooking at elevation is a challenge… and I find higher temps are necessary here.

I have the Country Crock cinnamon apples that they only sell this time of year as a side dish. I’ll probably add some cheesy broccoli and rice to that.

Anyway, I promised a blog post, to my readers and to myself… this might not be the most thrilling post ever. But hey, I never promised excitement. :p

xoxo,
Juliet

In June Serena told me about the great opportunity she had to work directly with a brand new in-patient eating disorder center in Denver. At the time, she said she’d planned to keep office space up here, for her local patients. Denver is a 50 minute drive for me, and one I’m not real keen on making to boot.

Then in August, it turned out she didn’t keep space up here, and as of 9.1.08, she is only located in Denver. We did phone sessions through September, and I was supposed to go see her in early October. However, the class I had was absolutely insane. Like, I spent 12 hours working on our team project on the last day of class insane. Oh, and that was after spending six hours on it over the weekend. I had to cancel the appointment. I just didn’t have the time. I haven’t even observed at the school since September!

Going to see Serena is a three and a half hour committment now. While I have two weekdays off, I really, really need them for the time at the schools. I have a lot of observation hours to complete and not a lot of time to complete them in, so I know that I can’t drive down there every week. Plus, the expense is just too high with gas and the wear and tear on our car. We need tires as is, and they aren’t really in the budget in the foreseeable future. I mean, it’s not a desperate situation, but if I drove down to Denver weekly, it would be, and fast.

Serena and I talked about one in-office appointment every four to six weeks, and then weekly phone sessions. Problem is, I realized last week that a) I will never get over my driving anxiety going only every four to six weeks. I will have plenty of time to build it back up again, and that stress is not something I need right now. B) I just don’t get nearly enough out of phone sessions.

And so, I sadly “broke up” with her last week. I am really concerned about not having a therapist, but there aren’t many options where I live and none of them specialize in eating disorders. Several treat them as “addictions,” but I think that’s utter nonsense (as does Serena). That sort of treatment is not what I need now, for sure!

Which means I am sans therapist. I’m putting blogging weekly into my Google calendar now. So, it’s good news for the few loyal readers who’ve stuck by me during my long intermissions while juggling school and work! But this is the best “therapy” I can think of to do in lieu of seeing Serena.

It’s not the greatest time to be without a therapist. My husband’s been considering “breaking up” with his own and has graciously offered her to me, lol… but I want him to keep going for as long as he feels he needs to, and if he decides to stop for himself, then maybe. Serena has offered to consult with whomever I do see, should I decide to go back to someone.

I know this is a great chance for Serena, and I don’t begrudge her that… but I do wish she’d actually found space up here, as she originally said, and I have to admit I feel somewhat abandoned because she didn’t. I have driving phobias, but even more than that, it’s the time constraints and money concerns that keep me from continuing to see her now. I *could* deal with the driving…

But I’m making a major effort to “destress” my life wherever possible. Therapy shouldn’t be something that causes stress, and it had become that because of the time and drive involved. I need to recognize that with the fibromyalgia, stress is very bad for me. Plus, my blood pressure has been high-ish since April, and my doctor just put me on meds for that. She believes I didn’t have much chance, as it’s on both sides of my family. My grandmother, who rarely eats anything even remotely salty and is at a healthy weight, has had high BP since she was not much older than I am, and my father also has it, as did his mother. Then on the flip side, my aunt eats salt like it’s going to be rationed soon and she’s always had low BP. So go figure.

The moral of the story is, as hard as it was to do this, I know in my heart it’s the best decision. I think I knew it all along, but was fighting it, in the hopes that somehow it would seem more reasonable to make that drive at least bi-weekly… but it’s not, and so I can’t continue to work with Serena for now. Crazy as it sounds to be dumping a therapist I love who has been great for me, I know this is an important self-care decision for me, and I’m glad I felt strong enough to accept that and move on.

I have the book for IE, I have the online tools… and if need be, I can try to find a therapist up here who won’t look to blame everything wrong in my life on my weight and who will respect the principles of IE.

Look for a new blog within the week!

xoxo,
Juliet