A place I don’t go to often…
Posted in Body Acceptance, Children, Just Life, Random stuff, infertility, medical on Jun 22nd, 2009
I don’t often post about my infertility journey here (okay, lately I don’t often post, period. Gotta work on that!). However, I wrote this poem recently, and felt compelled to share it in a place where maybe it might reach more who understand or need to hear someone else does.
Ready
I am ready to let go
To give up on the dream
Of holding our newborn son or daughter
I no longer imagine her face
Would his son have his eyes and my hair?
I don’t dream of these things…
Anymore
I want to move on
To different, if not better, dreams
But memories rush in
Painful splashes of red
And tell me I’m not really a woman,
Just a facsimile of one
My hell is this excruciating reminder
Of my failure to give him both of us
My soul as torn to shreds as my insides,
I’m barren like the trees of winter
My mind as twisted as their stark, black limbs
My heart repeatedly crushed,
Just as it beats again
The healing process endless
The pain a relentless rush of red
(((HUGS)))
one of the best things I did was to start taking the pill all the time (on drs advice) so I only have my period about 3 times a year. Just that mental peace was invaluable and I’m sure it helped my sadness to not have that reminder. I’m not sure if you can do that with your other health conditions but it’s worth a try. take care darl
I probably have endometriosis. It runs in the family. I am going to be getting Lupron injections for six to nine months that, theoretically, should stop my periods all together. After that, I’ll either get a Mirena IUD or go on Depo Provera shots. Both should either lighten or eliminate my periods.
If not, I’m prepared to get surgery if it comes to that. I am not prepared to spend the next 30+ years or so living with this hellish reminder, though.
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